The Case for Letting Them Be Bored
Boredom is not an absence of activity. It is the uncomfortable doorway into imagination, self-direction and the ability to be alone with one's own mind.
Written by Sian Trombley · BEd, MACP, CCC
There is a particular tone of voice children use for 'I'm bored'. It is somewhere between an accusation and a plea, and it is designed — with great evolutionary efficiency — to make an adult fix something.
Most of us fix it. We suggest, we drive, we sign up, we hand over a tablet. And every time we do, we teach a small, durable lesson: when your inner world goes quiet, someone else will supply the noise.
What boredom actually is
Boredom is the gap between stimulation ending and self-direction beginning. It is genuinely unpleasant — the brain dislikes under-stimulation almost as much as overload — but it is also the only conditions under which a child has to consult themselves about what to do next. That consultation is the beginning of initiative, and initiative is not teachable by instruction.
Why it matters more now than it did
- Devices remove the gap entirely — there is no longer any moment that must be filled by the child themselves.
- Modern childhoods are more scheduled: a child moving between five structured activities never has to decide anything.
- Instant relief trains a low tolerance for discomfort, which shows up later in homework, friendship and frustration.
- Unfilled time is where daydreaming, planning and inner speech develop — the raw material of executive function.
How to hold the line without a battle
Notice that none of these are cheerful suggestions. Suggesting activities keeps you in the role of solver, and your child will reject each idea in turn — not because the ideas are bad, but because being handed a solution is not the same as having one.
The exception worth naming
It often is. Under-stimulation is harder for ADHD brains. Aim for lower-stimulation activity rather than empty time: movement, building, music, being outdoors — self-directed but not still.
No. Connected time and unstructured time are both needed. The aim is not neglect; it is making sure your child gets regular practice at being the author of their own afternoon.
Accept it as weather. Respond warmly once, then stop responding. Whining that gets no traction fades within a few sessions.
Children do not need a perfect parent. They need a predictable one who returns after hard moments.
Sian Trombley, Canadian Certified Counsellor
What you can try this week
Protect one empty hour
Same day, same time each week. No screens, no plans, no suggestions from you. Announce it in advance so it feels like a family rule rather than a punishment.
Build a low-tech drawer
String, tape, cardboard, old keys, torch, paper. Nothing that instructs. Children reach for open-ended materials when there is nothing better on offer.
Practise the non-answer
'That sounds uncomfortable. I'm sure you'll think of something.' Then go back to what you were doing. Warm, brief, unmoved.
- Boredom is the entry condition for self-directed play, not a failure of parenting.
- The complaining phase is short — most children reorganise within twenty minutes.
- Every gap filled by a screen is a repetition that trains the brain to expect rescue.
- Over-scheduled children often struggle most with unstructured time.
- 'What are you going to do about that?' is a complete and sufficient answer.
How quickly do I move to relieve my child's boredom, and whose discomfort am I solving?
When was the last time my child invented something without a prompt?
Do I model being unoccupied, or am I always reaching for my phone in the gaps?
Printable resources
Recommended Thrive courses
Share this article
This article is educational and is not a substitute for individual clinical advice. Comments are closed so the Journal stays a calm place to read.
Keep going
You may also like
Courses, worksheets and pathways from the same part of the library.
- ResearchThe Research LibraryPeer-reviewed parenting and child mental health research, translated into plain language.Read
- Thrive GuideThrive GuideAsk a question and get warm, evidence-informed guidance drawn from the Thrive library.Read
- Thrive Care PlanThrive Care PlanA short check-in that turns how your week actually went into one focused plan.Read
- Thrive ToolThrive ToolsPremium printable workbooks and therapeutic tool kits.Read
- CollectionThe Resource LibraryFree printable worksheets, scripts and planners for families.Read
- JournalThe Child Who Holds It Together All Day and Falls Apart at 3:30The meltdown at pickup is not a report card on your parenting. It is evidence that home is the one place your child feels safe enough to stop performing.Read
