Daily Practice 15
Repair · 2 minutes
The Small Apology
Genuine repair without over-explaining or asking to be forgiven.
The moment
You know an apology is owed.
You also know the version in your head has three clauses of context attached to it.
By the end of that version, the apology will have quietly become their fault.
Try this
The Small Apology
- 01Say what you did. Specifically."I snapped at you in the kitchen." Not "sorry about earlier".
- 02Say why it wasn't okay.One clause. "You were asking me a normal question."
- 03Stop.No "but". No context. No reference to what they did.
- 04Do not ask for a response.Leave the room shortly after if that makes it easier for them.
If there is something they need to own, that is a separate conversation on a different day.
Why it may help
Apologies with explanations attached often land as defences, and children hear the second half more clearly than the first. A short, specific apology with no request attached tends to be more credible, and it removes the pressure on the child to manage the adult's discomfort by forgiving quickly. It also models something usable: that owning a small thing well is possible without a long negotiation about who started it.
Make it yours
- With a younger childAdd what you will do instead. Young children hear repair more clearly when it includes a next time.
- With a teenText it if the room is too charged. A written apology is still an apology.
- When you're not fully sorryApologise for the delivery, not the boundary. "I meant the answer. I didn't mean the tone."
Keep this line
An apology with a "but" in it is a defence wearing an apology's clothes.
Try it today
Choose one thing you have been carrying since yesterday.
Say the two sentences.
Ask for nothing back.
Daily Practices are psychoeducational wellbeing practices, not therapy, diagnosis or medical advice. They are written to be used imperfectly, on ordinary days.