Should I make my children play together to help siblings bond?

Offer opportunities, but avoid forcing extended play. Start with a brief, structured activity that both children can decline or leave respectfully. Children are more likely to seek each other out when togetherness does not threaten their autonomy. If they regularly clash, choose complementary roles and end the activity while it is still pleasant.

What if my siblings get along at school or with friends but constantly fight at home?

Home is where children often release stress and compete for limited resources such as space, possessions, and parental attention. Their outside social success shows that they have relationship skills, but those skills may be harder to access when tired or emotionally activated. Increase predictable one-on-one attention, protect boundaries, and look for recurring triggers such as transitions, hunger, teasing, or unclear ownership.

Can siblings with a large age gap still become friends?

Yes, although the relationship may not look like equal-peer friendship during childhood. Focus on short rituals that respect both developmental stages, such as music, cooking, pet care, humor, or a shared show. Do not turn the older child into a substitute parent. As the developmental gap becomes less significant in adulthood, the relationship may become more mutual.

Sibling Relationships

How to Build Sibling Friendships

Sibling friendship grows through small experiences of safety, shared enjoyment, repair, and being known—not through pressure to be close.

Reviewed by Sian Trombley, CCCFounder, Thrive Family Company

9 min read

AgesAges 9–12Sibling Relationships9 min readTherapist Created

Best for parents of children who are…

clashing with a brother or sister
needing extra emotional support at the moment
going through a change at home or at school

Share this

Text

01
Stop harm without shaming
02
Help each child regulate
03
Name each perspective
04
Identify the underlying need
05
Choose a meaningful repair

You cannot make siblings like each other. You can make your home the place where repair is normal.
Sian Trombley, Canadian Certified Counsellor

Therapist's Notebook

Parents often measure sibling closeness by how rarely children fight. In practice, a stronger measure is what happens around the conflict: Can each child state a need? Can they recover without humiliation? Can they return to play? Friendship is not the absence of friction. It is the presence of enough safety and goodwill to survive it.

Be careful not to assign fixed family roles such as “the responsible one,” “the sensitive one,” or “the difficult one.” Children tend to act inside the identities repeatedly handed to them. Describe the moment instead: “You wanted the same spot and neither of you was ready to move.” This keeps the problem temporary and leaves room for both children to change.

Some siblings will become lifelong confidants; others will care about each other while needing more distance. Neurodivergence, temperament, age gaps, disability, trauma, and competing sensory needs can all shape how closeness looks. The goal is not a particular image of sibling friendship. It is a relationship with dignity, emotional safety, and authentic opportunities for connection.

Sian TrombleyCanadian Certified Counsellor

What you can try this week

Step 01

Start a ten-minute sibling ritual

Choose one low-pressure activity that fits both children: drawing a comic, feeding a pet, making a snack, shooting baskets, or choosing a song for dinner. Keep it brief and end while the experience is still going well.

Step 02

Offer one specific noticing statement each day

Name a moment of connection without turning it into a lesson: “You moved over so your brother could see,” or “You two kept trying until the tower stood.” Specific noticing helps children recognize the behaviors that make time together feel good.

Step 03

Practice a repair when everyone is calm

Invite each child to finish three sentences: “What happened for me was…,” “What I needed was…,” and “Next time we could….” Do not require an apology before a child is regulated or ready to mean it.

Key takeaways

Aim for safety, respect, and repair rather than forcing siblings to be best friends.
Create brief, repeatable opportunities for shared enjoyment without making one child responsible for the other.
Protect each child’s belongings, boundaries, parental connection, and right to time alone.
Coach the skills underneath friendship, including perspective-taking, negotiation, appreciation, and recovery after conflict.
Notice small moments of cooperation specifically and sincerely, without comparing siblings or assigning fixed roles.

Reflection

When I imagine my children having a good sibling relationship, what qualities matter most beyond simply not fighting?
Does each child in our family have protected access to privacy, possessions, and individual attention?
Which shared activity brings out cooperation between my children with the least adult prompting?

Printable resources

Companion worksheetA printable page to use alongside this article.Family conversation cardScripts you can read straight from the page.

Recommended Thrive courses

CourseSibling Conflict Solutions CourseBuilding Strong Parent-Child Connection PathwayFamily Relationships

This article is educational and is not a substitute for individual clinical advice. Comments are closed so the Journal stays a calm place to read.

How to Build Sibling Friendships

What you can try this week

Start a ten-minute sibling ritual

Offer one specific noticing statement each day

Practice a repair when everyone is calm

Printable resources

Recommended Thrive courses

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What you can try this week

Start a ten-minute sibling ritual

Offer one specific noticing statement each day

Practice a repair when everyone is calm

Printable resources

Recommended Thrive courses

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More from the Journal

How to Stop Siblings Fighting (Without Becoming the Referee)

What Sibling Rivalry Is Really About

When the New Baby Arrives

Continue across Thrive

How to Stop Siblings Fighting (Without Becoming the Referee)

Separation Anxiety Solutions

The Five-Minute Meeting for Impossible Weeks

What Sibling Rivalry Is Really About

Gentle guidance, practical ideas, and encouragement delivered once a month.