When Your Teen Says Therapy Is Not Working

'It's pointless, I'm not going anymore.' She says it in the car, arms crossed, three months into weekly sessions you fought to arrange. You have no idea whether to push back or to quietly cancel Thursday.

That sentence can mean at least three different things, and they are easy to confuse from the outside. It can mean the therapist genuinely isn't the right fit. It can mean the sessions have started touching something real and uncomfortable, and quitting is the instinct to avoid that discomfort. Or it can mean nothing has shifted after a fair length of time, and the frustration is accurate.

How to tell the difference

• Ask what a 'good' session would feel like — vague answers suggest mismatch, specific answers suggest avoidance
• Notice whether the complaint is about the person or the process
• Check the timeline — is this session three or session thirty with no shift at all
• Ask if they feel unheard, or if they feel accurately understood and don't like it
• Consider whether the therapist has asked for a check-in on progress recently

Common parental mistakes

A conversation, in order

1. 01
   Listen first, without a plan

   Let the full complaint out before you respond to any part of it.

2. 02
   Ask the specific question

   'Is it the person, the topic, or the whole idea of therapy?'

3. 03
   Name the difference between discomfort and harm

   Ask if sessions feel bad because nothing changes, or because something true got said.

4. 04
   Propose a trial and a review date

   Four more sessions, then a proper conversation about whether to continue, change therapist, or stop.

5. 05
   Offer to help them choose someone else if it's a fit issue

   This keeps the door to help open even if this particular door closes.