
The Child Who Thinks Something Is Wrong With Them
Health anxiety in children looks like headaches, heartbeats and endless questions. Underneath, it is a search for certainty.
Written by Sian Trombley · BEd, MACP, CCC
Some children come to the kitchen every morning with a symptom. A headache that might be something serious. A heartbeat that feels wrong. A mark on the skin that was not there yesterday. Parents answer, carefully, kindly, and often accurately — and by dinner the question is back in a new form.
This is health anxiety, and it is one of the most exhausting forms of childhood worry to live alongside. It is also widely misread. The child is not attention-seeking or making it up. They genuinely feel the sensations they describe, and they genuinely believe those sensations mean danger.
How the loop works
- 01A sensation appears
Bodies are noisy. Twinges, flutters and aches happen to everyone, all day long.
- 02It is interpreted as threat
'My chest feels tight' becomes 'something is wrong with my heart'.
- 03Anxiety amplifies the body
Fear speeds the heart, tightens the chest, and produces exactly the sensations being feared.
- 04Checking and asking begin
Pulse-taking, mirror checks, searching online, asking a parent for the fifth time.
- 05Relief arrives — briefly
The worry quietens for a short while, and the brain learns that the checking was what kept them safe.
What actually helps
Get one thorough medical assessment. Once. Then treat the anxiety, not the symptom. From that point, the work is to reduce the behaviours that keep the fear alive and to build tolerance for not knowing for sure.
When there is a real medical history
Health anxiety often follows something real: an illness in the family, a hospital stay, a frightening piece of news. Acknowledge that origin openly. 'It makes sense that your brain got watchful after Grandad was ill' is far more useful than pretending the fear came from nowhere.
When to seek professional support
Seek help if the worry is interfering with school, sleep or friendships, if your child is avoiding activities in case they get ill, or if the checking has become ritualised. Health anxiety responds well to CBT, and earlier treatment prevents years of avoidance.
Children do not need a perfect parent. They need a predictable one who returns after hard moments.
Sian Trombley, Canadian Certified Counsellor
What you can try this week
Cap the questions
Agree a kind limit: one worry question per day, answered once. Beyond that, respond with warmth rather than facts — 'That sounds like the worry again. I love you.'
Stop the checking together
No pulse-taking, no mirror inspections, no symptom searching. Replace each urge with a two-minute delay and a distracting activity.
Practise living with 'maybe'
Teach the phrase 'It probably isn't, and I can cope either way.' Certainty is not available to anyone; comfort with uncertainty is trainable.
- Health anxiety is a certainty problem, not an information problem.
- Reassurance relieves for minutes and strengthens the loop.
- Body checking makes ordinary sensations feel abnormal.
- Rule out medical causes once, properly, then stop re-testing.
- The goal is tolerating uncertainty, not proving nothing is wrong.
How many times a day am I answering the same question?
Have we had one thorough medical opinion, or several partial ones?
What does my child do to feel safe — and is it working for longer than an hour?
Printable resources
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